I want to share something that happened to me just this past weekend that illustrates the difference between coming from a place of love or a place of fear and how the choices we make tell different stories.
On Saturday morning, there was no coffee in the house, so hubby and I went to our local coffee shop for a really good cup. In my mind, my appreciation of coffee is legend. I like it tall, dark, and strong and I don’t like to compromise.
We got our big mugs of coffee, and I went to claim our favourite spot. I had an uneasy feeling as I sat down. And as soon as hubby joined me, I knew why. It was the financial conversation again. Whenever this happens, I get immediately defensive and sullen. I don’t respond, I just sit there like a teenager, waiting for him to finish.
But inside my guts were writhing. I feel like every single thing that has happened to bring us to living paycheque to paycheque (his paycheques) is my fault.
But then I heard my heart say, “Hear him out.” He needed to get out what was in his heart too. He was worried yes, but he wasn’t blaming me or saying it was my fault. He is my greatest supporter. His tone softened as my face softened. And then suddenly, we were talking honestly to each other, meeting in the middle, rather than duking it out from our corners.
I’m telling you this because when we’re in a pseudo, or emotional fear state, Fear thinks she's protecting us from harm by contracting our hearts. We can get rooted in our unhappily familiar feelings of guilt and anger because “HE made me feel guilty”. But no one makes us feel guilty unless we choose to feel guilty. We’re pretty damned good at making ourselves feel guilt and shame.
When I opened my heart and listened, a shift happened. I was able to hear his fears without feeling judged. He deserved to be heard and he didn’t say anything that I don’t say to myself every day. In fact, he said it a lot nicer.
It felt like a turning point. It’s always been my natural reaction to push the blame I feel back onto the person who is expressing his or her fear to me — when it relates to me in some way. However, it just makes me feel more judged and more unworthy when I do. I’m hoping that this awareness will help me soften and open my heart even sooner next time I feel judged.
HERE’S WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE
We’re either coming from a place of LOVE or a place of FEAR. We have so many words for the emotions we experience in our life — happiness, anxiety, joy, resentment. But really, when you distill them down to their core, there are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love, comes happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear, we feel anger, hate, envy, and worthlessness.
LOVE EXPANDS — it ripples outward. When we’re feeling love our energy vibrates in harmony with whatever or whomever we’re thinking of. Love lifts our own energetic vibration, but it also lifts the energetic vibration of the person we’re with. How often have you sat and really talked with a close friend, sharing your innermost feelings, and then felt so uplifted afterward?
FEAR CONTRACTS — it makes us shut down and go inward, thinking we’re bad or unworthy — or angry. We're thinking only of ourselves. Fear comes from our ego, rather than our heart. It has a very low energetic vibration, and it too ripples outward.
When we focus on the negative, it sucks the joy right out of us and tries to suck the joy out of those around us. More negative things happen. The stories we tell about our lives allow us to believe the false truth that any minor setback we experience is proof that our lives are not what we want them to be. We feel we have no control over our life.
In every moment, Dorothy dear, YOU HAVE THE POWER. You've had it all along. And that power is that YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
You can’t change what is, but YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR REACTION to any given energy that you experience, in any situation that arises.
You can choose to stop Fear by opening your heart and allowing a different circuit pathway in your brain to form and then look at whatever arises in a different way. Turn the prism. It will allow you to SEE THE LIGHT OF WHAT IS IN A DIFFERENT WAY from the narrow view you’ve chosen to see a thousand times before.
kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students and help them unblock their writing, find their voice, and heal their lives. Her passion is to support women and men in realizing their true identity as a valued human being, claiming their passions, and speaking their truth as they become their most authentic selves. (Photo by EagleSpirit Soul Shots)