Are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages?
Gary Chapman hit on buried hurts that have affected generations of people. He is a pastor who counsels couples on marital issues, but his five love languages
• Words of Affirmation • Acts of Service • Receiving Gifts • Quality Time • and Physical Touch
affect us in all ways, not simply in our intimate relationships. His book, The 5 Love Languages,
As a child, I wanted nothing more than to be told I was good and I was worthy (words of affirmation) and to be hugged and kissed and to be physically close to my parents (physical touch). However, they didn't know how to give me these things, because they didn't get them from their parents.
My mother gave me gifts — food, toys, clothes, etc. and because I wanted any kind of love I took whatever she gave me and gobbled it all up. From my father, although it was not freely given (I basically demanded it) I got a bit of his attention and time. I took everything they had to give me, but all I really needed was lots of hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement.
I hungrily took anything they could give me, but it was never enough because love was given in a language I could not understand. And as I began to have relationships with men, I sought men who could give me plenty the physical touch I desired (just to be clear, my father was not physically inappropriate to me), while wanting their words of affirmation.
As I grew up, I learned to give my love in gifts of food and presents, just like my mother.
And since I've been journaling through so much of my life and I see the patterns, and I've unravelled the vines, I understand the tremendously heartbreaking affect not receiving love in the language I needed it (words of affirmation) has had on me.
So now, one of my life's work for my Self, has been learning to give love with hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement. It's not difficult for me to do this with people who are not in my inner circle, but for those that are closest to me, it does not come naturally; I have to remind myself to do it.
I feel it building up inside of me, and I'm using my words more and more in a kind way (in writing, it is so easy because I can take my time and say what my heart tells me to). Sometimes words of encouragement and affirmation slip out of me, and I am shy and surprised and delighted. Soon it will be like breathing.
But most importantly, I now understand that I need to be able to give love in the language that that person needs to hear and feel.
Today, I ask you to do this free online quiz, The 5 Love Languages, then journal about the language your parents gave you love in, and whether it was the language you needed to receive love in.
You may choose to tell a story of how you received love from your parents or guardians as a child and how it made you feel. What language of love do you speak to your lover, your children? Is this their language?
You can also bravely choose to share this link and discover so much more about yourself, your spouse or lover, your children, your grandchildren than you ever may have understood before.
Are you ready to break the cycle and begin healing your Wounded Wild Child?
This topic of Love Languages is definitely one of the topics we will explore in the Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child Experiment.
The Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child is a journey, like all my courses. I know where we will end up — feeling heard, worthy, stronger. And more at peace. But this time I have not created a step-by-step map. Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child is an experiment in co-creation because I want you to help me create this course by sharing your Little’s needs with so we can create the path together.
This Experiment is all about the journey
Think of the Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child Experiment as a series of playdates. Not every playdate has a specific activity. The best play comes when we bring our true selves and work together to build something. And yet, sometimes we want special activities, something to hold onto that will challenge us to open up and express ourselves.
That’s what makes this idea of Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child so exciting to me! We get to walk together, arm in arm, supporting and nurturing our own Littles, our parents’ Littles, and each other’s Littles, along the way.
When we share from our hearts, we not only feel relief and healing, but we help others to find relief and healing.
Anything is possible in this Experiment
As I see it, the experiment will be eight sessions, but it could carry on if we need and want it to. I don’t want to be limited if there is more to discover. I want it to be about discovery, about acknowledging and feel our hurt and tears and allowing plenty of comforting and nurturing for our Wild Child.
I also want to allow our Wild Child to teach us about her playfulness and her sense of wonder that we as adults either forget about or downplay in our ‘adultness’ and in our NEED to ‘live in the real world’. The real world is really only limited by our vision of it — we can be so much more!
I personally want to see what my Little, Kacky, has to show me. It excites me to have you along with me because Kacky loves to have friends to play with and she is so loving she has plenty to share.
So, if this idea for an experiment resonates with you, I invite you to confirm your commitment to your Little and join us.
Ideas for nurturing our wild selves
I have lots of ideas and inspirations, and we can try them all and more. Some of my ideas and commitments for Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child include:
- 8 sessions of live gatherings in my online room for conversation, laughter, tears and growth
- Exploring our childhood — our fathers, our mothers, our grandparents, and the families we’ve made as adults
- Journaling prompts to carry us through until we next meet
- Assignments for making sacred play time and having fun with our Wild Child
- An art journaling session
- A live family constellation session to help heal the generations of the past and into the future
- A secret facebook group so you can be sure that only those who enroll in this experiment can see your posts
- Replays of each live class, so you won't miss anything if you can't attend a session
- Each person who enrolls will also receive a copy of the book, Circle of Stones. I've had this book since 1994 and every time I read it, it touches the most tender part of me. We'll refer to it throughout the course and I'll have it shipped to you via Amazon.
- You’ll also get a bonus one-to-one session with me to work on whatever you like. At the very least we can have lovely, deep conversation and get to know each other face-to-face.
- Beyond that, this experiment is up to the needs and the wants of the group and I'd like your input. It’s all about you and your Little!
- Do you have a healing gift to share with the group that would fit with Nurturing the Wounded Wild Child? Let's talk. I truly want this to be an amazing journey!
In past live group coaching, my course fee has been $555 CAD for 8 group coaching sessions, course materials and replays. If you want to get in on a sweet deal, PLUS, have a chance at helping me to create a course that will not only help you to form a nurturing relationship with your Wild Child, but help change the lives of others that come after you — don't miss out on this Experiment at only $122 CAD.
At this time, I am only looking for your commitment to your Little, so if this calling makes her jump up and down with excitement in your belly, please express your commitment by following the button below (no money required to sign-up, but I am looking for your firm commitment). When I have at least eight people willing to commit to the work and the healing in this experiment, I'll notify you.
If you have questions or want to know if this is for you, I'd be happy to have a clarity call with you.
I’d really love to begin this experiment in January or February 2018, to give you an idea of a timeline.
kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students to help them find their voice and nurture their Wounded Wild Child through journaling. Her passion is to support women in realizing their true identity as Wild Women, claiming their passions, and speaking their truths as they become their most authentic selves. (Photo by EagleSpirit Soul Shots)