The bittersweet truth is...

 The thought of any kind of change being scary is way worse than the doing of it. As I pass through this wall, I'm picking up the scattered pieces of myself as I go along and becoming whole. Resilient. Full. Thankful. Sensual. Wholehearted. Inspired.    PIN IT!

You know, the trouble with facebook's algorithm is that even if you're not searching for ultimate answers, it will keep providing ads for the next course or person who is going to save your life. When enough "wildly successful" people tell you they have the secrets, even if you think you're doing just fine, you'll start to crumble under the pressure of, "Why don't I have that life? I need that life!"

I've been in panic mode all week and I've done more than my share of desperate click-thrus. So far I've signed up for a course, bought a book, and downloaded a guide. (And these are the ones I will follow through on — because they came to me when I asked for help.) I was even graciously turned down by a coach who wisely knew that panic mode is NOT a good time to start working together (something I couldn't agree with more).

I also signed up for two app helper thingies (it's also never a good idea for me to take on new technology when I'm in panic mode).

It was only when I watched 30 minutes of a 90-minute 'live' webinar from someone with all the answers and discovered nothing helpful or new at all that I realized I was on the hamster wheel of "rescue me" again. It was time to take back my life. I got myself into this and I can get myself out of it too.

The bittersweet truth is only I can save my life.

You know what I mean, right? I'm not talking about receiving urgent medical care. I'm talking about giving myself urgent self-care. Self-love. Seeing the perfection that I already am. Giving myself a break. Acknowledging my imperfect perfection and loving myself as I am — right now. In this moment.

Treating myself with the same care and kindness that I currently offer to anyone else but myself.

So, I'm doing it. I'm working through this — whatever it is thing — that I've been avoiding my entire life. I'm turning inward, listening in, and hearing what my own heart has to say.

And that's one of the reasons I've been avoiding facebook. I need to detox from self-help that isn't self-help as much as it is Shiny Object Syndrome. "If I do this, I'll be cured."

The only cure is going through it because I've built the wall too high and too wide to climb over or get around it. I have to sit on this side of it and allow myself to melt into this wall of resistance. I have to BE, rather than DO.

But I've discovered something awesome about myself... I have this belief that it's going to be a lot easier to go through than I think it is. I'm not saying I'm going to dematerialize myself and pass through the wall in seconds. But, I have a lot of experience in avoidance and if there's one thing I've learned it's that...

The thought change is way worse than the doing of it. As I pass through this wall, I'm picking up the scattered pieces of myself as I go along, becoming whole. Full. Courageous. Wholehearted. Inspired. 

But, I hereby declare that I don't have all the answers, I just sharing what I'm thinking will work for me and I'm willing to share my pain with you in the hope that it will help you not feel so alone. If you are inclined to try it with me, that's confirmation that I'm not alone. 

And yes, my friends, I get the irony of the fact that I am sharing a post from a guru who has all the answers. But she's one of my most trusted gurus. She makes observations and encourages me to go inward. This message sat in my inbox all week and is only the culmination of a week of signs from people and things that point me to going inward. 

... and her message got me writing to you, again. 

kathy mercure profile

kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students and help them unblock their writing, find their voice, and heal their lives. Her passion is to support women and men in realizing their true identity as a valued human being, claiming their passions, and speaking their truth as they become their most authentic selves. (Photo by EagleSpirit Soul Shots)