If I believed in signs

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If I believed in signs, it came last week. Oh, and by the way, I do believe in them, but I usually so unconscious, I don’t ‘get’ the message until it’s right there in front of me, or I see them so many times, it’s like, “HELLO! UNIVERSE TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION HERE! LISTEN UP!”

I’ve been flipping back and forth between do I keep at it or do I stop this business of mine, ever since I made the decision to take a full-time job to pay the bills. 

I’ve been trying to make a living doing what I love — helping women heal through journaling — since 2015. It hasn’t worked for me. I have been very much down on myself about it, thinking it’s me. I’ve spent thousands of dollars, possibly tens of thousands of dollars on coaching, courses, tools, advertising, and nothing has made it feasible for me to keep going. I definitely got far more clear on who I am and what I want to do, but not financially sustainability. And, after all, isn’t that what we get into business for — to create something that we love to do that sustains and nurtures us both spiritually and abundantly?

Last week, I received the message "Finish what you started..." It came from Heather Lynn Tobin, of Rock Your Mud. She’s one of the delightful people I met on my business quest. Heather does intuitive readings (among other things), using Oracle cards as her tool. Here’s most of the rest of her message. There is one more bit, but I’m not ready to share it yet:

The card that abruptly came through for you is, "Finish what you started..." 
I laughed because the deck was like, yeah. Just tell her to "get it done".  There are projects that you've been wanting to wrap up loose ends with and you keep putting them off. I'm feeling a sense of... "fearing what's next"... if you wrap up the ends too quickly? It's actually better if you do, because then you'll make space for new things and even more abundance.

And there you go… I’ve been telling myself for as many months that I shouldn’t make any decisions about my business until I’m sure WestJet is right for me — for at least six months. But, when I receive a message like this and the immediate feeling of “ahhhhh… then yes!... then that tiny frisson of fear (fear is excitement without the breath, after all) — I knew this was my confirmation that I should trust my gut.

I've been feeling this need to release for months now. I feel like a snake who must shed her skin in order to keep growing. There is more for me. I have been told by many that they see me in front of a crowd of people, talking, reading to them, and they are listening. I simply MUST stop being afraid of what IT is and find out what IT means. 

These past three years have been such a transmutation of me, I really hardly recognize myself. I’m still me, but so much more at peace. And there is more peace to be got, I feel it strongly. 

I still feel this deep commitment to work with women and their Littles — that inner wild child we all have within us that was so strong and powerful before she got her spirit and moxie beaten out of her (literally or figuratively). 

The Wild Child is strong in me. I have so many stories inside me that I still need to heal with my Little, Kacky, I need to keep moving forward. Perhaps the time is not right to bring others with me. I am always so much stronger in my ability to help others to heal when I have been through the fire myself. 

I’ve tried to make it happen for a long time now — to bring small groups of women together to share and help each other heal — but there is something holding us back. Perhaps it’s me and my uncertainty, my pushmi-pullyu style of showing up with such fierce bravado, then shrinking away. At least that’s what it feels like to me. I’ve had one foot on the path for some time and I’m not sure if I’ve truly committed to the rigours of the journey.

It’s time for me to put one foot in front of the other and walk this path — a solo trip for now. 

So, I thank all of you who have shown up as best you can, as have I. That’s all we can do in the moment, isn’t it? 

I may still share tales of my experiences from time to time and invite you to join me — when I am moved to do so — but if you no longer want to keep in touch, please unsubscribe at any time. 

Thank you, my lovely Wild Woman, it has been my great pleasure to see your light. 

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kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students to help them find their voice and nurture their Wounded Wild Child through journaling. Her passion is to support women in realizing their true identity as Wild Women, claiming their passions, and speaking their truths as they become their most authentic selves. (Photo by EagleSpirit Soul Shots)