Okay, the whole idea of being fearless is crazy to me! If we didn’t have that voice inside of us that says, “Danger, stop!” “Don’t do that!” “Don’t go that way” “Run!” none of us would probably make it through childhood. We’d all be dead.
True fear, physical fear is a vital response to physical danger. We need Fear in our lives. if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from dangerous threats. Physical fear says, “Pay attention!”.
On the other hand, emotional Fear is tricky. It's humiliating, shaming, and can bring up past abuses. To our body, it feels the same as a physical threat because we feel the same physical reaction to it.
FEARLESSNESS IS JUST ANOTHER WAY OF AVOIDING FEAR
I do not believe that trying to bulldoze your way through your emotional fears — ignoring it, or worse, getting angry with it or yourself because you have it — is helpful. AT ALL.
You know why? Because the moment you take off your boxing gloves and think you’ve beaten Fear to a pulp, she will come back, stronger and more forcefully. Fear will always be with you.
My darling, Fear is part of you! That's why I call her 'she'. Why would you try to punish or criticize yourself because Fear is coming up? Don’t ignore her, look at her, have empathy for her, figure out where she's coming from, and why you are allowing her to hold you back from what you want.
EMOTIONAL FEAR IS NOT BAD. IN FACT, IT MEANS YOU’RE ONTO SOMETHING BIG.
Fear rears up when Desire rears up. It’s the collision point where you get to decide whether you will go with your desires, or allow Fear to be in control again. Fear usually means something is very right.
Fear is the obstacle, but it’s also the way. So, instead of running from Fear, embrace her, let her know you got this.
ACCEPT THAT FEAR WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR CONSTANT COMPANION
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic, says, “your fear is the most boring thing about you,” and she’s right. And she also says, “Creativity can only exist alongside fear.”
The two are reflections of each other. Fear contracts and creativity (or desire) expands. You can’t have one without the other, just as you can’t have light without dark or joy without sorrow. You need to know both ends of the spectrum so that you know when you are veering off your path. Ignore Fear at your peril.
The more you fight Fear, the more she comes back. So, accept that Fear will always be with you. Try to relax around Fear so that she can relax too.
YOU NEED TO BE ON “SPEAKING” TERMS WITH FEAR
I won’t go so far as to say you need to make friends with Fear, but you do need to respect her. She is your compass. When she starts acting out and wanting to take over, you know you are moving closer to your heart’s desires.
What you need to do is to look Fear in the face and understand where she’s coming from so that you can be the driver in your own life. Tell her that you are driving, that she can come along on the journey, that you respect her opinions, but you’re moving ahead anyway because if you don’t, a little bit of you will die inside.
Take her along, but don’t let her sit in the front seat.
Elizabeth Gilbert says it this way,
“So here's my magical thinking — I decide every day that I love Creativity [my desires*] enough to accept that Fear will always come along with it. And I talk to Fear all the time, speaking to it with respect, saying to it: "I understand that you are Fear, and that your job is to be afraid. And you do your job really well! I will never ask you to go away or to be silent, because you have a right to speak your own voice, and I know that you will never go away or be silent, anyhow. But I need you to understand that I will always choose Creativity's ideas over yours. You may join us on this journey — and I know that you will — but you do not get to choose the direction in which we will walk, and you will not stop me and Creativity from making plans and decisions together."
BUST OUT OF YOUR FEAR BOX! will move you through Fear
Over eight weeks of live coaching in an intimate group setting I call 'The Cocoon of Love', we'll walk together through naming your fears, where they collide with your desires, and how they hold you back. You’ll decide on an action plan, then implement tiny steps that will add up to big changes. Each week features journal writing prompts and challenges to keep you moving forward and tracking your progress. And if you can’t make a particular week live, there will always be video replays. (Not to mention BIG bonuses!)
I know journal writing heals, because I, and a lot of my students, have made huge changes, finding clarity and answers in our lives, with the help of journaling.
On Monday, January 30th, enrollment begins for Bust Out of Your Fear Box. Join the notification list today and you’ll be in for a special early bird deal.
* My addition.
kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students and help them unblock their writing, find their voice, and heal their lives. Her passion is to support women and men in realizing their true identity as a valued human being, claiming their passions, and speaking their truth as they become their most authentic selves.