So many things I’ve learned these past two weeks! I’ve been struggling with what to write because there are just so many pings going on in my life right now. So, I’ll start with the most recent, because I immediately knew there was a blog post in it.
I’ve made a new BBF (business best friend). Her name is Anik Malenfant and she’s got a kickin’ healing practice, Mastering Ascension. I’m sure I’ll be sharing more about her, as the ideas come fast as lightning when we get together.
The other day we were talking about journaling and she touched on recommending to a client that she NOT keep her old journals, as she had done so much healing and why (both figuratively and literally) keep hanging onto this old weight?
The hackles didn’t exactly rise, but my spidey senses started tingling. You see, I’ve always been a keeper of my journals. I have them back to the time when I started keeping them seriously when I was about 29 or so. “What is this heresy?” my ego questioned, eyebrow arched.
I told her that I’ve always personally kept my journals, but that I tell my journaling students to make their own choice. You see, there’s a part of me that wants to keep them just in case there truly is a book in me and I want them for reference. I also see them as a symbol of how far I’ve come in my life.
When I told her that, she countered, “But you have the memories.,”
“But they aren’t clear memories, they’re my vision of myself back then as I am now,” I counter-countered. I wasn’t intending to dig my heals in. In fact, I was starting to be curious.
She paused for a moment, then finished the story I interrupted, about suggesting to her client that she might not want to physically move them to her new home, she might want to burn them, keeping only the good stuff.
Her client latched onto that idea like a match to a tinderbox.
And then I wondered… maybe I have been holding on to all of the weight of my old self in my limiting belief that things have to be hard to:
a) be deserved; and
b) for growth to be accepted way down deep in my cells.
I don’t know about you, but I’m just so frickin’ tired of the struggle — I want easy. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not ready to retract my blog, Is There an Easy Button?, but what if there was a way to not be Frozen in Fear at the thought of change or letting go? What if we can let whatever the f*ck is holding us back, go? Just let it go? And when Fear challenges us on what we let go, or there is another layer of letting go to do, we can observe that fear without getting down on ourselves. Dare I say we can be kind to ourselves and see this remnant of Fear as an observer — and release it too?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not ready to burn my journals. The journals I wrote on my three-month solo journey to the southwestern United States so long ago, are keepers (at least until I read them). Maybe I will eventually take Anik’s other suggestion and go through all my journals and keep the good stuff. But I will remove the journals I've been keeping since I moved here from where they sit — right beside my dream chaise where I write in my journal. Their energy is heavy with worry and filled with so much angst and self-doubt, they feel like a constant reminder of where I am now. I’ll carry them down to the crawlspace and put them in the box with those other old journals and see how I feel about opening Pandora’s Box. If I feel icky when I see them, maybe it really is finally time to go through them, to purge and burn them, in the biggest bonfire releasing of my life?
Mind blown… I know, right?! I’ll report back on this...
kathy mercure is a storyhealer, storylistener, and storyteller. Her life’s work is to gently draw stories from her students to help them unblock their writing, find their voice, and heal their lives. Her passion is to support women in realizing their true identity as wild women, claiming their passions, and speaking their truth as they become their most authentic selves. (Photo by EagleSpirit Soul Shots)